


in which frank is in heat and either gerard has supersperms or pete wentz fucked up real bad and a unicorn trots in once in a while

by justlookthroughme



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Crack, M/M, Masturbation, Mpreg, horrified ray toro, im sorry mom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-16
Updated: 2016-07-16
Packaged: 2018-07-24 10:39:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7505044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justlookthroughme/pseuds/justlookthroughme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing really puts Frank Iero to shame but the sight of Mikeyway's plush unicorn’s horn made his limp dick spring right back to action and sending him back to the bathroom, where he cried (and jerked off yet again, of course).</p>
            </blockquote>





	in which frank is in heat and either gerard has supersperms or pete wentz fucked up real bad and a unicorn trots in once in a while

Frank couldn’t take it. It hurt. It physically hurt.  
He heard a flush of the toilet (fucking finally) and dashed in, choking at the stench. Dear God, Bob must have had Mexican food for lunch.  
Not even that could deter Frank from his quest of rubbing one out – his boner was threatening to rip apart the crotch of his jeans, for fuck’s sake. He needed – he needed…  
His cum splattered all over the wall and in his state of euphoria, he noticed that it looked like he had accidentally drawn a smiley face :). He cackled. He was too tired to clean it off.  
Frank had barely stepped one foot into the bunk area when he saw Mikeyway curled up with a plush unicorn. Nothing really put Frank Iero to shame but the sight of the unicorn’s horn made his limp dick spring right back to action and sending him back to the bathroom, where he cried (and jerked off yet again, of course).  
He had a problem. He really had a problem.  
***

“The fuck…” Bob wondered, as he came upon the realization that his drumsticks were coated with some kind of…goo. Frank felt himself go pale and cowered behind Ray’s enormous hair as Bob thunderously bellowed, “ARE MY FUCKING DRUMSTICKS COVERED IN LUBE?”  
Mikeyway very unemotionally answered, “I don’t know,” while Gerard turned to look straight at Frank through the tiny spaces in between Ray’s fro. Bob followed Gerard’s gaze. Ray turned to stare at Frank too. Bob stood up, heading in Frank’s direction. Frank removed himself from the safety of Ray’s fro and climbed up a tree. Mikeyway sent nudes to Pete on his Sidekick the whole time.  
And then he went to check if his precious unicorn’s horn was lube- free.  
It was.  
***

Gerard was outside with the birds, singing some strange song from Cinderella or Snow White when Bob threw out his decontaminated sticks out the bus window and hit one of the birds in its face. Frank was still in the tree.  
Ray sighed, lounging on the grass under the very tree. “Is he ever coming down?”  
Gerard shrugged. “He has to. I don’t imagine jerking off in a tree would be very comfortable.”  
Ray sighed again and popped open an umbrella, suddenly feeling threatened underneath the tree.

***  
At 3:47am, Frank finally climbed down the tree (jumped, really. And fell. And bounced a couple of times on his ass) simply because his need was urgent yet again. He raced to the bathroom and cried as soon as his fingers touched his dick, cried with relief when he drew another :) on the wall, and cried again because HE WAS NEVER THIS HORNY IN HIS LIFE.  
He tip-toed out of the tour bus bathroom and had a mini-heartattack when Gerard twirled to face him in the dark in a huge wingback chair Frank had never seen before, smoking a cigarette in one hand and stroking Mikey’s unicorn plush in the other. Gerard was part Italian, but Frank didn’t know he joined the mafia.  
Frank almost peed his pants. Fuck. He should have peed after jerking off.  
“So,” Gerard began, blowing a plume of smoke in Frank’s direction. “You’re sexually frustrated.”  
“Yes, Godfather,” Frank sobbed.  
Gerard smiled. “Call me Fairy Godmother, Frankie. I’m here to help you with your ‘problem’.”

(FAST-FORWARD A FEW WEEKS IN WHICH BOB’S DRUMSTICKS NEVER BECAME A TARGET AGAIN)

A real-life unicorn came barrelling through Bob’s drumkit.  
Mikey shed tears of joy. “A unicorn!” he chimed, stepping over Bob’s demolished pride and joy to pet his new friend.  
Bob lost it. “WHY? WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME?”  
Ray frowned. “How is there a unicorn in this rehearsal room?”  
Frank smiled. “I can look at that horn and not feel a thing.”  
Gerard grinned downed at his crotch lovingly.  
Mikey’s new friend took a beautiful rainbow dump right onto the remains of Bob’s snare. “Pete made my plush come to life,” he marvelled.  
“Oh,” said the rest of them in unison.  
Gerard began singing and humming as he danced gracefully around the unicorn, while Ray tugged nervously at his fro. But it was Bob who yelled, “GET RID OF IT!”  
Mikey wanted to frown, but he had a reputation to uphold so he didn’t. “She is not going anywhere.” In a soft animated voice nobody ever thought he was capable of, he said “Don’t let Mr. Booby scare you, he’s a meanie.”  
Bob facepalmed himself so hard he bruised himself. “Why did I join this band…”  
“Look!” Gerard cried, holding the rainbow shit in his hand. He had moulded it into the shape of a potato. “This is a piece of art – a miniature me! I am a fabulous lumpy gay hot potato shit!” he announced proudly.  
Everyone applauded him, even Bob.  
Frank gasped. “I think…I think something just kicked me!”  
Everyone stared at him. The unicorn trotted away, bored.  
“In my stomach!” Frank clarified.  
Gerard frowned. “Must be that fried chicken you had – maybe the chicken is resurrected inside your stomach, Frankie – or it was never cooked properly. Maybe you swallowed it while it was alive. Theoretically, it is possible although I’m unsure of it scientifically –“  
“I’M A VEGAN, YOU MORON!” Frank cried.  
Gerard glared at his Frankie. “We are breaking up. You insulted the great fabulous emo that is I.”  
Just as Frank was about to panic – because what if he had to resort to Bob’s drumsticks again? Or Mikey’s unicorn? Wouldn’t it be highly inappropriate given that the unicorn is alive now? – when Pete sauntered in.  
“No emo is more emo than I am!” he called out.  
Pete may be short, but that didn’t stop Mikey from climbing onto his shoulders. “I got your present! A real life unicorn!” Mikey exclaimed dreamily, even though his face was completely expressionless.  
Pete smiled proudly.  
“How?” Bob asked suspiciously.  
“I am a warlock!” Pete cackled. “I can bend the rules of science!” He turned to Frank and Gerard. “I got you guys a gift too for your first week of relationship anniversary.”  
“Oh my!” Gerard sing-songed. “What could it be?”  
Pete smiled wider. “A baby!” he chimed, gesturing at Frank. Specifically, Frank’s stomach.  
Ray fainted into the leftover puddle of rainbow shit. Bob left the room to pack up his bag and go back to Chicago. The unicorn trotted back in to neigh in horror and trotted back out.  
Frank wished he had stuck to fucking Bob’s drumsticks. Looked like Bob wasn’t going to need them anymore anyway.  
“Gerard. Mom always told you to use condoms,” Mikey deadpanned.  
Gerard tossed the potato shit from one hand to the other sheepishly.  
Mikey sighed and climbed off Pete. “I’ll call Brian,” he mumbled as he flipped out his Sidekick and left the room.  
Pete stood awkwardly in front of Frank and Gerard and an unconscious Ray. “Was it something I said?”  
***

“Don’t cry, Frankie,” Gerard said, pulling Frankie onto his lap. “I’m not going to leave you – we’ll make great legendary emo dads!”  
The unicorn neighed in assent.  
“We will?” Frank beamed.  
“Of course we will!”  
And after Ray shampooed all the rainbow shit substance out of his hair and Brian got his license off the internet to solemnize Gerard and Frank’s big gay wedding (although he was sure it wasn’t his job description as their band manager) he caught the first flight there was and noped his way out before Pete cause him any more trouble. He did, however, asked Mikey if it was okay for him to take the unicorn so he could be a manager to the unicorn instead to which Mikey agreed.  
Bob had only sent a card to say that he could only attend in spirit as his physical body had returned to the normal world where he owned a job as a realtor.  
Mikey had made Pete promise to leave his witchcrafting ways to which Pete reluctantly agreed. “You sure you don’t want any more unicorns?” he asked, to which Mikey reluctantly nodded.  
Gerard and Frank lived happily ever after with a baby and 7397924 dogs. Sometimes, Gerard would go days looking for Frank only to find that his short husband was drowning in a sea of dogs but he figured things could be worse so that’s okay.  
Ray got lonely and decided to make his fro his best friend. “Don’t you ever leave me,” he sobbed occasionally, as he patted his fabulous hair.  
Pete took pity on Ray. Ray deserved someone with hair as equally fabulous as his.  
Pete thought really hard and came up with An Idea. “I wonder…if I could bring Cousin It from the Addams’ Family to life…?”

**Author's Note:**

> i honestly dont know how i let this become my life.


End file.
